I am hanging out with this guy more and I really like him. I am trying to be chill. I have never been so chill, haha. I am trying to take it slow, not force anything. Just have fun and get to know him. I am in no rush to jump into another relationship. Jon and I have been broken up for about 6-7 months now and we stopped being intimate months before that, but we do still live together. I think once I get in my apartment and have to start unpacking and setting home my little space, getting my own routine and getting my shit together, it will be easier to decide what direction I want to go in with this guy. In the mean time it is fun feeling feelings for someone again. And honestly, some of these feelings are foreign to me. This guy is the youngest guy I have ever been interested in. I have only been in two relationships in my life, and both of the guys were 14 years older than me. Seriously their birthdays were Dec 19 and Nov 20, so they were almost exactly this same age. This guy is only 4 years older than me. It feels weird. Like we're both babies, haha. Neither of us are married or have kids or have ever been married. We're like in really similar places in our lives. I am so used to being insecure with Jon in public because people would always assume he was my dad. Yeah. It's such a gross feeling to me. And then I always felt guilty because it would make me so uncomfortable that I would intentionally be distant from him in public situations because I look like I could be 18-20 and he looks his age, 41. But with this new guy someone already asked us if we were married when we were hanging out. That alone is a huge difference to me....
Anyway, I don't care if this is annoying, but I read my horoscopes for this week and here are things that stood out:
For my rising sign (Aries): "Perhaps you feel more ready to let things float for a moment. To not feel like it’s up to you to drive the whole ship forward. To trust that the currents will carry you to your next destination."
For my sun sign (Pisces): "It wants to remind you that just because somethings in life might not be moving as quickly as you’d wish they would, they are moving at the exact right speed for the lessons that you are learning."
This is so on point with how I feel about being "chill" and just going with the flow and not forcing things. Just letting things happen as they go. I got drunk last night with all my friends/co-workers at a co-workers birthday. The guy I'm hanging out with was there, and I was so tempted to just be like "I LIKE YOU" (even though I know we both know that we like each other) or sending him some crazy text when I got home spilling my guts, but instead I washed my face and went to sleep like a normal non-crazy person with chill. I'm proud because in the past I have been known to force things forward or hold onto things I should have ended because I wanted to control the process/progress. I want things to just happen on their own, and honestly they are. It might be slow, but they are happening and I am allowed to relax and just enjoy the good parts.
SOURCE for horoscopes: http://chaninicholas.com/2016/04/full-m