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All conditioned things are subject to decay. Strive for your liberation with diligence.” --Buddha
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So, I can't stand when girls say they wouldn't date a girl with a more masculine gender presentation ("butch") because if they "wanted to date a guy, they'd date a guy."
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I think I can be creative when I try. I'm usually so afraid of failing that I don't try. The definition of a coward.
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Here's a picture of my favorite monster, his name's Totoro.
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We walked (slipped, slid) around in the ice and snow for a few hours. My toes froze. We talked about languages and our personal issues. Sometimes the topics get too heavy for me and I try to let my thoughts wonder to more positive things. Certain words make my stomach drop to this day and I'm not always sure why.
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Staying up really late listening to weird music.  Thinking about people who aren't thinking about me.  Putting myself in a weird mood.
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Based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, PLEASE acknowledge their copyright. BOLD WHICH APPLY TO YOU:

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child. (After my brother moved in with our dad)
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in High School (No cable/satellite, just for movies)
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College [i don't know]
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.


That was cheery.
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So, I almost forgot about this 30-Day Meme. I have had a splitting headache off and on all day. It's on right now. I just finished up some English homework and I'm about to hit the hay.

Day 04: Monday→ Your favourite book


Day 05: Tuesday→ Your favourite quote )

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Day 02 (Saturday) → Your favorite movie




Day 03 (Sunday) → Your favourite television program

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Books I've read so far this year:
  1. Paint it Black by Janet Fitch (01.05.09)
  2. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeliene L'Engle (01.20.09)
  3. Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
  4.  Stir-Fry by Emma Donoghue (01.28.09)
  5.  Foxfire by Joyce Carol Oates (02.27.09)
  6. Endgame II by Derrick Jensen (03.16.09)
  7. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (03.27.09)
  8. The Book of Lost Things by John Connely (04.28.09)
  9. Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli (05.02.09)
  10.  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling (??)
  11.  Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein (05.14.09)
  12.  A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold (Late June/early July)
  13.  Man Walks Into A Room by Nicole Krauss (06.22.09)
  14.  Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami (06.30.09)
  15.  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (06.??.09)
  16.  Fat Chance by Leslea Newman (07.24.09)
  17.  Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown (07.28.09)
  18.  The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon (08.07.09)
  19.  The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (08.14.09)
  20.  American Gods by Neil Gaiman
  21.  Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman (11.07.09)
I started a new book last night (Hey Nostradamus! by Douglas Coupland).  I made a list of all of the places I need to apply to and I finished a few of the online applications on Friday.  I've been really lazy this weekend and I can't quite remember if I have anything big due this coming week, but I'm even too lazy to check my planner.  

I talked to Sarah about dreadlocks in history class on Friday, and about how mine made me feel like a lion, which I miss a lot.  So now I'm thinking a lot about starting new dreads except I don't have a job yet and I don't want to hear my mom talk about how irresponsible I am.  I can wait.  History is becoming my favorite class because the people one desk away from me in any direction are really cool and funny.  I guess each semester will get easier, hopefully.  I also got invited to see Rocky Horror live by a girl in my Spanish class.  I'm basically over Rocky Horror and it reminds me of when I was 16, but making friends is worth it and I know enough about it to feign interest.  

I have to go grocery shopping.
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So I haven't taken the Myers-Briggs test in about 2 years, and I took it a few times because I got really into it.  My results (INTP) were very accurate at the time, so I got pretty excited about it.  I just took a test again and I got a new result.  I actually can't decide how I feel about these results:


INFP - The Idealist

Introverted, Intuiting, Feeling, Perceiving

INFPs are quiet, creative, sensitive and perceptive souls who often strike others as shy, reserved and cool. These folks have a rare capacity for deep caring and commitment--both to the people and causes they idealize. INFPs guide their behavior by a strong inner sense of values, rather than by conventional logic and reason. Forced to cope with this facts-and-figures "real" world we inhabit, INFPs may appear to have been imported from another galaxy! They gravitate toward creative or human service careers which allow them to use their instinctive sens of empathy and remarkable communication skills. Strongly religious, spiritual or philosophical people, INFPs may see the purpose of their lives as an inner journey, quest or personal unfolding. More practical or rational types may tend to discredit the INFP's sources of understanding as mystical. The search for a soulmate is a preoccupation for many INFPs, who must balance their need for privacy and peace with their yearning for human connection. If there seems to be an air of sadness in the INFP's spirit, blame it on this type's longing for the perfect in all things


Oh well.

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 Ugh.  There's nothing like turning down a street (Russ Avenue) on your way to the dog park, only to be confronted by at least 200 anti-choicers with picket signs.

On the bright side I am finally motivated to start reading the local newspaper regularly, so as to be alerted about such things.

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 I am considering taking some time off from school after this semester.  Again.  Yeah.  I don't feel mentally stable enough for this whole college stuff.  I'm not failing, I have really good grades in all of my classes, I speak up in my english class.  I love my chemistry class.  I'm not running away from my academic problems like I kind of did with Berea.  I'm going to wait until after this semester, try really hard to pass all of my classes and then get on with my life.

I just feel lost and depressed.  I feel like I'm dependent on everyone from the federal government for paying for my college and giving me a refund every 6 months to my mom and my sister.  I think I am going to go to Arkansas this fall, maybe Fest 8, maybe Germany with Annie.  Then in January/February get a job or an internship.  I want to spend a lot of time in libraries and forests on the parkway.  I don't want to have to think about ancient Greece, conversion factors and what Bartleby, the Scrivener represents.  If I want to think about those things I want it to be my choice for once.  I want to get in touch with old friends and make new ones.  I want to get a new counselor and straighten out my mental health.  I want to figure out my spirituality and what kind of person I want to be.  I want to be involved in local political actions and build community here and in Asheville.  I want to be able to get  to Tennessee or Rock Creek (W. Va.) and help wtih anti-mountaintop removal efforts.

I want to stop feeling like I'm compromising myself because I live in Haywood County and if I speak up, I'll get attacked.

I want to feel like I am on the same level as some of my friends, I want to feel like my life is going somewhere too.  I want to have something to offer to the world, I want to be part of the solution.  I'm tired of feeling like my life is on pause, like I'll be true to myself sometime in the future, like I'll sit down and read all the books I want to read after I read all of the ones I was ordered to read.

I may spend time off only to find out that I want to go back to school, I might find a different path calling me.  I don't know what will happen--that's the point.
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"I must learn to love the fool in me--the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."
--Theodore Isaac Rubin

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
--Nietzsche


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I wish I were going to West Virginia for the Fourth of July.
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Intro to Chemistry 8am-8:50am; MWF LAB 1p-3:50; T
Literature Based Research 9am-9:50am; MWF
Western Civilization I 11am-11:50am; MWF
Elementary Spanish I 1pm-2:20pm; MW
Developmental Psychology 11am-12:15pm; TR
Nature Hiking


Um. I don't know how I feel right now.
People keep reminding me I'm a romantic thinker who avoids romantic encounters, I don't know.


The other day Nicole, Tyler and I watched the sun rise from a swing at a Days Inn we weren't staying at. All you can do in this town at night is hang out at Waffle House, drinking coffee and talking in circles.
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Update on Today's Daring Dragline Protest, Launches 7 Days That Will Shake Mountaintop Removal Operations by: Jeff Biggers

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
A Dragline

Four daring protesters accomplished something today that no high ranking member in the Obama administration involved in the recent mountaintop removal mining policy decisions has ever bothered to do: These four American patriots made an actual visit to a mountaintop removal site.

They also went beyond the call of duty.

Scaling a towering 20-story dragline (those behemoth stripmining machines that could rip up a Manhattan block in a New York minute) and then unfolding a 15 x 150 foot banner at the Twilight mountaintop removal strip mine in Boone County, West Virginia, they also unveiled a simple message on how the EPA, the Department of Interior and the Council on Environmental Quality can best enforce the Clean Water Act and other environmental laws:

JUST STOP MOUNTAINTOP REMOVAL.

The action launches a dramatic weeklong series of protests at mountaintop removal sites in the West Virginia coalfields that will culminate on June 23rd with a special action in the Coal River Valley area with local coalfield residents, NASA climate scientist James Hansen, actress Daryl Hannah, and 94-year-old former US Representative Ken Hechler, and Rainforest Action Network executive director Michael Brune, among many others.

"It's way past time for civil disobedience to stop mountaintop removal and move quickly toward clean, renewable energy sources," said Judy Bonds, Goldman Environmental Prize winner and co-director of Coal River Mountain Watch of West Virginia. "For over a century, Appalachian communities have been crushed, flooded, and poisoned as a result of the country's dangerous and outdated reliance on coal. How could the country care so little about our American mountains, our culture and our lives?"

The four protesters were arrested, along with ten other on-the-ground protestors at the Massey mining site, who unfurled their own 20x40 foot banner: Stop Mountaintop Removal: Clean Energy Now. The group is expected to be arraigned early this afternoon at Boone County Jail in Madison, West VA.

Aerial photos of the Massey Energy-owned Twilight mountaintop removal mine can be seen here.

During the day, updates and photos on today's action will be posted here.


Equipped with satellite phones and web cameras, the protesters plan to stay on the enormous dragline until they are arrested. Another group of protesters on the ground have already been reached by the police.

"I've written letters, attended hearings and called my congressman, so far they have done nothing to stop the disastrous and unnecessary practice of mountaintop removal," said Charles Suggs, a 25-year old of Rock Creek, WV, one of today's participants. "It has come to the point when we must take direct action to abolish this practice that is immorally robbing Appalachian communities of their culture, their health and their future."

Despite last week's best-laid-plans by the Obama administration to provide stronger reviews of mountaintop removal permits under current laws--notwithstanding the 42 out of the 48 mining permits cleared by the EPA last month--the protest today draws attention to the reality that over 3.5 million pounds of ammonium nitrate/fuel oil explosives are being detonated DAILY in mountaintop removal operations across the West Virginia mountains alone, while hundreds of mountaintop removal permits now stand ready to be reviewed and cleared.

In last week's announcement, CEQ chief Nancy Sutley declared that the Obama administration would do "all it can under existing laws and regulations to curb the most environmentally destructive impacts of mountaintop coal mining."

Read that line again: "Curb the most environmentally destructive impacts of mountaintop coal mining."

If Sutley joined the protesters at the Twilight site or any mountaintop removal operation, she would witness firsthand that even the LEAST "environmentally destructive impacts of mountaintop removal" REQUIRE massive clear cutting of our nation's most diverse and oldest deciduous forests on the continent, setting ANFO explosives and blasting the mountains to bits, showering the neighboring communities with silica dust and dangerous fly rock, and then dumping the mine waste and heavy metals into the valleys and streams and watersheds.

Source: Huffington Post

UPDATE: 14 activists were taken into custody from the action. They are all safe and in good spirits and awaiting arraignment.
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Okay. This is the second time my advisor at HCC has upset me. I really don't think he knows what it means to be an advisor. June 17th-July 17th is registration. What do advisors do? Register you. Well, my advisor is not working this summer and he won't give me a code so I can register myself online. I didn't ask him to hold my hand, I can do it. Apparently he also doesn't know how to be considerate enough to send out a mass freaking e-mail to all of his advisees telling them that he's not working. So he makes me feel like an idiot for thinking my advisor would advise me. Oops. I don't know if I mentioned the time I had a week or so left to register for summer classes and I e-mailed him and he told me, "It's finals week I'm not advising." Yeah, well my student calendar says you are. I don't think you have the right change the dates of fucking registration. Jesus Christ. It took a lot of restraint not to write in only cuss words, haha.

Also, unrelated but a tad stressful. I have 2 things to do on the 25th of this month. One of them is in Sylva at 6:30pm (Canary Coalition Annual Meeting) and one is in Asheville around 8pm (James's band, Disnomnia's last show!). I wish they weren't in completely opposite directions.
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